Do You Solemnly Arf to Tell The Meow, The Whole Oink, And Nothing But The Moo?

Voters in Switzerland will go to the polls on March 7 to vote on whether every canton should be required to appoint a dedicated public prosecutor to represent the interests of pets and farm animals in court, much like the case two weeks ago when lawyer Antoine F. Goetschel of Zurich represented a dead fish in court, accusing a fisherman of having tortured the pike because it took 10 minutes to haul it into the boat. When asked to comment, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom said, "Damn. Why didn't I think of that?"